


Begin again

by Helplessdreamer



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU, Caitlin and Harry, Cute, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Snowells, father/daughter moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 07:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19001623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helplessdreamer/pseuds/Helplessdreamer
Summary: AU about Jesse and Harry after Tess died.





	Begin again

His eyelids were heavy, so heavy that he couldn’t open them. Every bone in his body hurt like hell, the pain was almost unbearable. He could hear some voices but he didn’t recognize them. What happened? And where is he? He tried to remember, but nothing, all black.

The last thing he remembered was meeting in Star City that lasted way longer than they planned. He and Tess headed back to Central city late. Harry was driving as she teased him about something and they both laughed, and then the last thing he remembers was blinding lights from the other car in their direction and after that, nothing.

He somehow managed to open his eyes. He was in a bright room and two women in the white coats talked next to the door, it looks like he is in a hospital. One of them noticed that he woke up and said something to the other woman and then she came out of the room.

The woman who stayed in the room was young, 30 maximum and she looked more like a model than the doctor, but her face attracted his attention. More precisely the expression on her face, like, compassion… Oh boy, was he that bad? 

 

“Dr. Wells, I’m doctor Caitlin Snow, how are you feeling?” She said as she touched his shoulder.

“I had better days.” He said and then swallowed “What happened?”

“You had a car accident, your arm is broken, you have 2 broken ribs, a few stitches, and concussion, but you are gonna be ok. She said softly when she saw a haunted look in his eyes.

He started to panic “My wife, where is my wife, where is Tess?”

“Dr. Wells you need to calm down and listen, can you do that?” she tried her best to calm him, and she somehow actually succeeded.

Harry watched her carefully praying that she won’t confirm his fears, but prayers weren’t enough.

“She was hurt badly, we performed an operation and did everything in our power…” she started and Harry’s eyes filled up with tears, it was hard for Caitlin even to watch him suffer like this and she just met the man.

“No, no, please no...” he said helplessly but she had to continue, it was her job to tell him the truth.

“I’m so sorry, but she didn’t make it, she passed away this morning.”

“No...” he said again not trying to fight tears anymore and then put hands on his face, now he couldn’t feel any pain except inside, the worst kind. He felt like his heart literally broke into thousand pieces and then he remembered one more thing.

“Do you, do you know something about my daughter, where is she?” he managed to say, his voice broken and trembling.

Caitlin’s eyes were sparkling with tears as she watched this man who just lost the mother of his child, the love of his life, and she needed a few seconds to answer.  
“Yes, detective West came to see you and he told me to tell you that he and his wife Cecile will take care of your daughter until you come home.” 

Harry just nodded to her and turned his head away from her, his jaw was shaking, tears not ceasing to run down his face. He never cried in front of anyone but this was different, it was much stronger than him.

He felt her hand on his shoulder again but didn’t look at the young doctor when she started to talk again.

“Look, it’s not my place to tell you anything, but I know how are you feeling, I lost my fiancée three years ago the same way you lost your wife. I know that pain is horrible and you feel like you can’t even breath, but…” she paused as she took a long breath “you have to fight, you have to fight for your daughter at least. I heard that she is 4, and you are everything she has, so please doctor Wells, you have to be strong.” When he didn’t move or said anything, she stood up and told him that she will give him a little time to be alone, but he stopped her when she was at the door.

“Doctor Snow… Thank you.” He looked at her and nodded and she gave him a little sad smile in return before she exited.

 

When Harry woke up the next morning he needed a moment to see if he is still dreaming when he saw Jesse next to his bed. She looked at him with her big sad eyes and his heart broke again, especially when he realized that he needs to tell her where is her mom now. Joe was standing next to the door and when he saw that Harry is awake he came out to leave them alone.

“Hey princess, how are you?” he said slowly trying his best to sound normal.

“Daddy, are you going to die?” she said shakily barely holding the tears.

“No honey, I won’t, why would you ask that?” he assured her as he took her little hand in his.

“Mommy died.” The girl said and started to cry. Every tear she spilled left a scar deep inside Harry’s soul that he thought he can’t do this. But no, he won’t give up, he needs to be strong, for her.

“Honey, sometimes people we love the most have to leave us. Mommy is now with grandma and grandpa Wells and with your puppy Lora, you know? They are happy and they watch over us.”

“But I didn’t want her to go..”

“You know, I’m gonna tell you a secret, she’s not really gone, she loves you too much to leave you. She will always be by our side, and you can find her whenever you want. Here.” Harry finished as he placed his hand over her heart.

“Really? She was still unsure.

“I would never lie to my little girl.”

She nodded sadly before Harry made a little space on the bed so she can lay next to him.

“Come here.” He said and she climbed on the bed and hugged him burying her face in his neck.

“We are gonna be okay Jesse,” he said as he stroked her hair “we are gonna be okay, just you and me.”

 

 

Two days later he was released from the hospital, just on time so he can go to a funeral. To say goodbye to her for the last time.

After everyone left the cemetery he stayed a little longer. He needed to promise her that he will take care of Jesse, that he will do everything to keep her safe, to keep safe everything she cared about while she was alive.

When he returned home, it was full of people who were on the funeral, but he first climbed upstairs to find Jesse. When he approached her room, he heard the voice of Tess’s mother. He was too afraid to even look her and her husband in the eyes, they’ll probably blame him for their daughter’s death. Still, he risked and knocked on the door before he opened them.

“Hey, you mind if I join you?” he tried when the older woman wiped her tears and approached him.

“Harrison look, I know how much you loved Tess, and I know how much she loved you, and… “ he could see how hard for her is to talk, but she continued “I just want you to know, that it’s not your fault. And I know you will take good care of this little angel, but if you need anything, you can always count on us.”

“I” he wasn’t sure what to say to that so he just went with a simple “thank you” but from his voice, she could understand everything.

 

 

The time was slowly passing, it was only two of them now, and they both started getting used to it. But somewhere deep inside, Harry was sure that he will never be able to move on.

6 months after the accident, Harry was preparing for his first day back in the lab. As he picked suit from the closet he noticed something. The gun on the top shelf. Tess never liked the idea of having a gun in the house, but he wanted her to have something for defense if someone breaks in the house or even worse. He took the weapon and thought how easy it would be to just pull the trigger and be free. The pain would stop, and who knows, maybe he would see her again. He was deep into his own thoughts when he heard something. 

Jesse, she was running to his room, her voice clearer as she was approaching. He shook off all thoughts he had just a moment ago so he can focus on the really important thing in his life. 

“Daddy, why I can’t go with you?” she asked sadly when Harry came back to the bedroom with a suit jacket in his hands and sit on a bed bench motioning to her to do the same.

“Jesse, it’s gonna be boring for you there, and here grandma can take you to the park to play with the other kids, or whatever you want to do. Plus, I’ll be back in a flash and we can watch cartoons then, what do you say?”

She just nodded enthusiastically and started talking about cartoons they are gonna watch. Harry watched her proudly with a smile and silently cursed himself for even having those thoughts just a couple minutes ago.

He got rid of the gun that day before he came to work. His little girl saved him again.

 

 

He just put Jesse to sleep and came back to his room. She just turned 5, and she wanted the song that Tess always sang to her. He closed the door and set on the floor next to his bed and started crying. He kept asking why it had to be that way, why God or Universe or whatever is out there didn’t took him instead.

He put hands in his messy hair gripping it, he didn’t even hear when the door opened. Jesse didn’t say a word when she saw him, she just snuggled in his lap and put her arms around his neck. Harry was frozen not knowing what to say when she whispered “Don’t cry daddy, I’m here.”

He hugged her back tightly and kissed the side of her head before he said “You are my joy Jesse Quick.”

 

 

It was Saturday morning when Jesse and Harry tried to make pancakes for breakfast. He was holding her in one arm so she can help him get all the needed ingredients and dishes.

“Ok Chef, you are going down now, so we can start making this.” He said as he placed her on the chair next to the kitchen counter in the middle of the room.

Jesse mixed the mixture for pancake while Harry held the bowl still for her telling her that he had no idea how amazing chef she actually was. 

The kitchen was covered in flour, but Harry couldn’t care less, especially when he saw a sincere smile from ear to ear on Jesse’s face.

When they started eating, Harry emitted all kind of different sounds to show how much he enjoyed the food they prepared. Smile again shined on Jesse’s face while she had Maple syrup all around her mouth.

 

 

“Are you excited that we are going to watch Toy Story?” Harry asked while he combed her hair and tied it in a ponytail. She is 6 now, and each day she looks more and more just like her mother.

“Yes, I can’t wait to see what Woody and Buzz will do this time.” The girl said, her voice full of excitement and happiness.

“Then we better hurry up!” Harry exclaimed and picked her up and ran outside with her in his arms imitating the sounds of a plane mixed up with her giggles.

 

 

Jesse’s first day in school. They both missed Tess a little more today. But Harry wanted to do everything to make this day special for his daughter, so he let her choose what she wants to wear, helped her prepare her books and talked all the time how the school is nothing scary and that he will wait for her every day when she finishes her classes.

Still, he felt a little knot in his stomach while he was waving at her when she followed her teacher inside the classroom. 

Later that day he was waiting in front of her classroom alongside Joe because his son Wally was same age as Jesse. The moment when door opened and kids started running outside he spotted her in the back, but, something was wrong, he could say.

“Jesse, are you ok? Did something happened?” Harry asked when she came to him.

“Billy, he, he said that I’m weird and that nobody will play with me because I don’t have a mom.” She said sadly looking at the floor.

“Oh honey”, Harry said as he crouched in front of her “listen, I’m taking you on ice cream, and we’ll talk about this, but first you need to do something for me. Go with Joe and Wally to our car, and wait for me a little, I need to talk with your teacher quickly.” He said as he hugged her and looked at Joe over her shoulder, his eyes full of rage.

“Go, I’ll be there in a minute.” He said as he stood back on his feet.

“Harrison?” Joe asked a little worried only for Harry to answer him with simple “Don’t worry, go outside.” as he entered the classroom.

Jesse’s teacher, a woman a few years younger than him was inside with two more people, man and woman. Harry strode in like a tornado not acknowledging the two people that were talking with a teacher.

“Billy, I want his parents here, now!” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“Sir, who are you and what’s happening?” the stunned woman asked him.

“I’m Harrison Wells and my daughter is in your class, and today on her first day some boy named Billy said to her some bad things that you clearly have no idea.”

To Harry’s surprise, the man he even forgot was there answered him “Mr. Wells, we are Billy’s parents, and I really can’t believe that your daughter is so spoiled that you have to make a scene like this just because of some probably stupid innocent joke.”

Harry saw red, he could literally feel all anger gathering in his throat just waiting to explode.

“Listen to me now, you better teach your kid some respect, because my daughter has been through a lot in a past few years, and the last thing she needs is someone telling her that she is not good enough because she doesn’t have a mother! And if I see one more tear on her face because of that, mark my words, I. Will. Destroy. You.” He said and left the classroom the same way he entered not even waiting for an answer, but he did yell “And it’s dr Wells!” on his way out.

“Everything alright?” Joe asked when he spotted Harrison leaving the school facility.

“Yes, perfect, thank you.” He said with a little smile as he reached in his hoodie pocket for a two pair of sunglasses, his and a little one that he handed to Jesse.

“Good, ok then, see you.” Joe said his goodbye leaving two of them.

“Are you ready Jesse Quick?” he asked and opened the back door of his car for her while she was putting sunglasses on.

“How do I look?” she asked with an adorable smile, already feeling better after in a way ruined the first day of the school.

“Stunning.” Harry said causing her to giggle before he closed the door so he can get on his seat.

 

 

It was the third anniversary of Tess’s death, and her parents Rose and Howard, Harry, and Jesse were at the cemetery. Jesse left white rose in front of a tombstone and whispered “I love you mommy” evoking the same sad smile at the faces of both her father and grandparents.

Before they parted, Howard asked what they planned for today. “I’m taking her to the lake, it’s been a while since we went there.” Harry said glancing at Jesse.

“Very nice idea, hope you’ll enjoy.” Rose said with a small smile, and then both of them hugged Jesse and said goodbye to Harry.

 

Jesse was sitting in Harry’s lap with his arms around her. They were sitting next to the porch fence of their house on the lake. A light breeze was blowing and Harry buried his face in her hair as they enjoyed the silence.

“This was mommy’s favourite place, you know?” Harry said gently.

“Really?” she turned her head to look at him and when he nodded she took her previous position.

“Dad?”

“Hm?”

“Talk me more about her.” She asked snuggling into his arm a little.

“Okay.” He said softly and placed a kiss to her hair before he started to talk “She used to sit right here, and do exactly the same thing we do right now, watch the lake, enjoy the breeze. Sometimes, when we were here for the weekend, she would sit in this chair before the dawn only to watch the sunrise…”

Harry was talking to Jesse about her like he was reading the fairy tale with her mother as the main character.

“Do you know why STAR labs are called STAR?”

“Tell me.”

“A long time ago, your mom told me that in the vast night sky I am the only star, she sees.” The sky was orange as the sun almost disappeard behind the trees. “Just like you are the only star I see.” He finished.

“I love you daddy.” She said quietly as she was falling asleep.

“I love you too honey.” Harry whispered back and waited a few minutes before he carried her to the bed inside.

 

 

“Jesse?” Harry called her while he was buttoning the buttons on his shirt sleeve, when she didn’t respond he went to the back door to see if she is outside in the back yard. He saw her through the glass door, she was chasing something and he smiled a little but smile quickly disappeard from his face as he heard her scream.

He ran outside only to find her lying on the grass her blood running down her eyebrow. 

“Jesse!” he was by her side immediately asking her what happened and taking her into his arms.

“I was chasing a cat and I fell and…” she said through tears and Harry figured out that she cut her arcade on small garden decoration as she fell. He made mental note to get rid of those things when they come back from the hospital as he ran to the car.

“It’s okay Jesse, we are almost there.” He tried to console her but the truth is that he was freaking out even more than Jesse.

 

“Doctor, I need a doctor now!” he yelled when he arrived at emergency. One nurse checked girl’s cut and when she saw that it wasn’t critical she leads Harry to the one room to wait for the doctor on duty. 

Not even a full minute later the doctor entered the room with a “What do we have here?”

Harry started mumbling the explanation when he suddenly recognized the young doctor “Dr. Snow! Thank God it’s you, the nurse said it’s not serious but please, you have to tell me the truth, is she going to be okay?!” he asked without even taking a breath, the fear evident on his face.

“Let me see,” she said as she approached the girl “Hi, I’m Caitlin, what’s your name?” she asked gently while she was putting medical gloves.

“Jesse.” The girl said shyly.

“Jesse, that’s a beautiful name. And how old are you?” Caitlin continued as she studied the wound.

“8 and how old are you?” Jesse asked relaxing a little, and Caitlin and very quiet Harry both chuckled.

“I’m 30.” Caitlin answered with a smile and then turned to Harry “It’s not deep, but she needs a few stitches just to heal easier.”

Caitlin saw the unspoken question in his eyes “I will give her local anesthesia she won’t feel anything.” She assured him.

“There you go, I knew that you are one very brave girl.” Caitlin said as she finished and put an adhesive bandage over the wound. Harry watched them, amazed with the way she relaxed his daughter even causing her to smile after the stitching. He was mesmerized with the young doctor’s energy, but even more with the way she treated his little girl.

“Thank you, again.” Harry said as he picked Jesse up from the bed. He was in his white shirt, first two buttons and one sleeve still unbuttoned and hair crazy wild because he was caught just in the middle of preparing for his work day.

“You’re welcome” Caitlin smiled and then added, “Nice to meet you Jesse.”

 

5 days later Harry was preparing Jesse for a going to doctor to check the stitches. And Jesse really was in a mood for some very interesting questions.

“Daddy, Wally’s mom died too, right?”

“Yes honey, when he was a baby.” Harry answered her softly.

“But his dad married aunt Cecile and she is very good to him, Wally really loves her.” Harry wondered how that got on her mind suddenly, but he wanted to hear more “Cecile is a great person, and she loves Wally too.” Harry said not expecting the next thing she said at all.

“Well, then dr Snow can be our Cecile, what do you say dad?”

“What?” was all he could think of to say.

Jesse turned to him and started explaining like an adult, leaving Harry amused and fascinated at the same time. “She is nice and pretty and funny, and I like her so much. Daddy, I know that you love mommy, but I think that mom would be happy to see you every day smiling like you smile when you see Caitlin.”

Harry was staring at her with opened mouth wondering when she grew up this much, but she is not his Jesse Quick without a reason. But also, he wandered did he really smiled like she said. Still, he pushed those thoughts aside because they had to go.

Harry watched Jesse and Caitlin laughing as she removed the bandage from her arcade, and thought for himself that his daughter is maybe right. Four years passed since Tess is gone, and he never thought about another woman, not that they didn’t try to hit on him, but he knew that they only wanted his bank account. But this woman was different, she somehow radiated with positive energy, giving him strength, even four years ago when she just met him, a broken man in a hospital bed...

Caitlin’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Looks like you'll have a small scar above your eyebrow, identical to your dad's.” she told to Jesse and girl grinned actually excited to hear that.

“Dr. Snow..” Harry started but she interrupted him.

“It’s Caitlin.” she said taking off her gloves.

“Ok Caitlin, then it’s Harry” he chuckled before he continued “do you want to join Jesse and me on a milkshake or ice cream or something else that has a lot of sugar... I just want to thank you somehow for saving me two times.”

“Well Harry I was just doing my job you don’t need to thank me, and my shift ends in 30 minutes, so I will gladly join you.” Jesse’s eyes danced from her father to Caitlin with a big smile on her face.

 

 

“Caitlin, I’m so sorry to bother you, but I have to go to Star City, I’m gonna be back tonight late and I have nobody else to be with Jesse.” Harry shifted his cell from one hand to another while he was putting the jacket on “Can you please save me and be her babysitter today?”

“You are lucky I have a day off, I’m on my way.”

“Thank you, you are the best!” he yelled and put a phone in his pocket. Over the past year they become good friends, and Jesse adored her, so he could leave his daughter with her without a single worry.

The moment Harry opened the door Jesse ran straight to Caitlin and throw herself into her embrace.

“What about me, I’m leaving and I don’t get the hug?” Harry teased Jesse and then did the same thing to him wishing him to have a nice trip.

 

When Harry came back it was past midnight, Jesse already sleeping and Caitlin watching TV in a living room waiting for him so she can go home.

Harry collapsed on the couch next to her exhausted from the trip, she offered to make them both coffee before she goes home and he gladly accepted.

They laughed and talked about Jesse’s and Caitlin’s adventures that day, about everyday stuff, and in one moment they eyes locked, and Harry leaned in capturing her lips in a soft kiss. 

The kiss was slow, like he didn’t know was that the right thing to do, like he wasn’t sure if he betrayed his wife with that. Caitlin encouraged him when she opened her mouth and ran her tongue over his lower lip and he followed her lead.

He stopped suddenly resting his forehead against hers “I, I.. I don’t..”

She cupped his face and whispered, her eyes full of understanding “It’s okay, whenever you are ready, it’s okay.” He nodded, his eyes sparkling.

“I should get going, see you.” She said with a smile as she gathered her things.

“See you, and thank you for today, for everything.”

 

Next day, after he drove Jesse to the school, Harry headed to the cemetery. he left a rose on her tombstone. Light rain was pouring but he didn’t mind it, he let it dampen his hair.

“I met someone. I needed to tell you, because…” he paused only to take a breath “Jesse loves her and she loves Jesse, and I think that I love her too, but, I just feel guilty, you know?” he talked like she can answer him. “I feel that I don’t deserve to be happy while you are here..” 

And then, the rain felt different. It was hard for the scientist in him to admit this, but it felt like her. He felt the same way like when he had some doubts in himself and Tess was there to convince him to move on. Did she was telling him that it’s okay to move on and be happy? He thought, and then all doubts he had disappeard when the sun started to shine and he saw a small rainbow in the distance.

He was sure now, it was her.

 

 

Three years later

The orange white epagneul Breton barked two times at the car that just parked in front of the house at the lake. She stopped barking when she saw it’s that the person who came out of the car was Harry and ran to him. 

“Hey Lora” Harry said and pet her before he gave her the treat from one of the bags he was carrying.

He entered the house and leaving all the bags except one on the kitchen table before he proceeded to the porch. Jesse was sitting in her favorite chair and the opposite of her was Caitlin. Harry smiled before he opened the door to step outside.

“Ice cream” he kissed Jesse’s cheek, “for my” then Caitlin’s cheek, and then he crouched in front of her to kiss her already clearly visible belly “girls.”

“Dad, how do you know it’s a girl?” Jesse wanted to know as she and Caitlin attacked ice cream.

“I just know, I had the same feeling about you.” Harry said proudly.

“You know, Jesse, I believe him. And she will have the best big sister and of course the best dad in the universe.” She said as she fed Harry with ice cream from her spoon.

“And the best mom.” Jesse finished instead of Caitlin who had tears sparkling in her eyes and Harry just smiled at his daughter softly while he squeezed Caitlin’s hand.

 

They are family, and they are happy, and Harry knew that she is happy too wherever she is now and that she will always watch over them.

There is a happy ending after all, or more like a happy beginning.

He was ready.


End file.
